New Decade Hotel

So I arrived in Amsterdam, jet lagged and cold. Walking out of this huge airport cum shopping mall, I passed a couple of stores. One was called Wonder Woman and the other, Sissy Boy. That’s a comment on where we are today, I guess. Once outside I passed some fools sitting at tables in sub zero temperatures, where the unmistakable sweet smell of reefer floated through the air (it’s Amsterdam) and I checked into the oddly named Citizen M Hotel. Being the connoisseur of hotels that I am (staying in so many of them) I thought I’d write a review in case any of you might be Amsterdam bound and wish to check out a reasonably priced one.

This place is totally hooked up to the internet; check in, locks on the doors, virtually free Voip phone in the rooms, Wi Fi everywhere, free movies, tons of free cable channels and a restaurant called the Canteen. It’s the future. When you make your reservation over the web, you get to have the room prepared as you would like it for your arrival. So I could request my favorite room color, blinds up or down, room pre set at the temperature I like. Pretty amazing, but if Al Qaida sabotages the internet, then this place will cease to function.

As you may be able to see from my photo, there are two pod like glass cylinders right in the room. They feature ambient mood lighting which oscillates through a range of groovy colors: These units are the shower and toilet. Privacy is arranged by sliding the hidden curved doors around you. Half the room is taken up by the biggest wall to wall bed, actually more like a play den. It’s very comfortable. The shower has the giant oversized shower head of course, for that rain forest - deluge experience and also, a wand like contraption which I guess dispenses jets of water for those hard to reach places. Everything; lights, heat, TV etc is controlled by a little portable internet trackpad located by the bed. The hotel is hip, clean and as I said, it’s the future, ma’an. I actually like it.

This is how we’ll all end up, in our clinical, little, spartan space pods divorced from what’s outside but totally connected in a virtual world, close to an airport where we can fly in a big metal machine to another far off country and check in for more virtual life in yet another Citizen M hotel for the identical experience somewhere else on the planet.

Once in a while it’s o.k.

~ A.P

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